ABOUT PROFANITY

I am not an apologist for profanity but I consider “fuck" a good word, a very practical, very utilitarian word. And oh so fungible, so malleable, so versatile....

Clearly, tout le monde must share my opinion - the English monde at least. There’s got to be a reason why the word itself and, most commonly, its gerund form are undoubtedly the most used, the most useless and at the same time the most useful, the most ubiquitous modifiers in the English language. The second most used – goddammed or goddam - don’t even come close.

From Animal to Zoo - and with 24 stops in between – the “F” word can and surely has been used as a modifier to every single noun in Webster’s Dictionary - “Shut that fucking door!”… “Open that fucking window!”… “It’s a fucking shame…”.

But that’s not all. It is also used as a modifier to an adverb - “Fuck, no!”, and even as a modifier to a modifier! “Man! That’s so fucking funny!”. And then, implausibly, even as a modifier to a verb! “What did the Yankees do last night?… They fucking lost!”

And, of course, a few words must be said about its most vituperative derivative – motherfucker.

Oddly, despite its clear etymology, this strangely entertaining insult is rarely - if ever – used to explicitly indicate, or even hint at, Oedipal love between the insulted and his mother. Another oddity about this incredibly flexible contumely is that its use and purpose vary widely along racial lines.

When spewed by Caucasians, it’s almost always a serious invective, frequently even a fighting word. Blacks, on the other hand, are more eclectic in its use – coming out of their mouths, “motherfucker” can mean literally anything. Mostly, they use it as a colloquial reference to whatever they are talking about, as a commentary to an event, or just as an explicit interjection. Ludicrously, when directed toward a person “motherfucker” is even meant as a sign of affection, respect or admiration. Only occasionally they will use it as an insult.

But think about it – what other language offers a comically inventive gem of a word like ‘un-fucking-believable’?… And in what other lingo could you find the terse, dismissive explicitness of a ‘fuck off!’?… Or even the shockingly blasphemous oath ‘Jesus! – Fucking! – Christ!’?…

I don’t remember where or when I first heard this last imprecation, or even who uttered it, but I still do remember the intense jolt of ‘shock and awe’ I felt when I first heard it… And this was way before Operation Desert Storm…. ‘Shock’ because, despite my less than sterling religious credentials, I do maintain a grudging respect for religious icons, and pairing “fucking” with Jesus Christ, especially as a middle name, was - well! - simply shocking and outrageous. And ‘awe’ because you got to admire the balls, the audacity, not to mention the originality, and the inventiveness of whoever first uttered that irreverent cry of exasperation.

I’m telling you, ‘fuck’ has it all! Curt, crisp, powerful - it’s a word that in a way defines America. It’s vulgar, of course - I am not disputing that - but its usefulness far outweighs its vulgarity.

Curiously enough, the only time its vulgarity hits me like a slap in the face is when it’s used to describe exactly what it means, as in ‘I fucked my girlfriend twice yesterday’. Used that way, I find it offensively degrading, demeaning, grating, it literally makes me cringe. I not only lose respect for whoever describes lovemaking so vulgarly – they will automatically be included in my Hit List.

Used any other way, as in ‘Am I supposed to give a fuck about this entire dissertation?’, then it is just a graphic expletive and, like all expletives, it becomes vulgar only when overused.

When utilized at the appropriate times, it becomes a very effective, powerful, satisfying, indispensable tool. Frequently even mandatory.